As a Nurse and a Teacher I often have to research subjects that will ring a bell in my head.
Recently in the UK there has been a drive to include the offence of emotional/psychological abuse into the Law, to really make it clearer as an offence, particularly in children.
In addition to this my research at work is giving me an insight into the increase in self esteem issues and eating disorders in our older generation. At first I was willing to look solely at the media for this awful phenomenon, but now I am not so sure it is entirely media driven.
Could there be a connection? Why would I ask this? I just have to look at myself... whilst I do not have an eating disorder (apart from my comfort eating), I do suffer hugely from self esteem issues and the depression that goes along with it.
As a child I used to think I had fairly normal upbringing, but now I know it was far from that. There really was no love that I can remember. My Mum never loved me... or certainly never told me. Hugs and other signs of affection just did not happen. I believed that she loved my sister more (although she feels the opposite). I always felt I was the one as the eldest who had to prove myself. But I never had praise, I did not learn until after her death that she was proud of my achievements, she never said a word. I have to dig deep for memories of my childhood, as I have buried much of it deep inside, I do remember some of the rare happy times.. most of those were on holiday by the sea. Maybe that's why I love being close to the sea now...
I cannot even say that much about my father, he was just never there. In a sense I understand why, My Mum could be bitter and angry, and often this was directed to us...
I guess in these days this could be a form of emotional abuse... but I get the feeling it may have been more normal then. But when I look back, and compare my life to that of my friends... maybe it was not..
There is so much more but this is just my beginning, the beginning of a life dogged by self esteem issues, the beginning of a life where I fought to achieve and desperately wanted to impress, looking for positivity and praise from those I loved and those I worked for. Searching for worthiness.
I am still doing that... despite my understanding of my problems (this was just the beginning remember), I still look for love and praise from those I love, sometimes one word is enough.. and from those I work for too.
In a sense this has been a motivator, especially in the work environment, but it also has the potential to destroy and at times it has.
So to go back to the start... is our older generation being blighted by their upbringing as I am or is there more to it?
As I delve deeper maybe there will be some cathartic repercussions, who knows. The only thing I do know is that I did learn an important lesson from my parents...
"How not to bring up children"....
More lessons to follow...
